Yesterday’s saints of the Day:

Santiago, San Bartolomeo, San Cristobal

Did you know San Bartolomeo is the patron saint of panic attacks? That’s telling me something. Not something I knew, that’s for sure. He was flayed alive, so there’s a lot of Xipe Totec in there too.

Cristobal, Christ bearer. Traveller. Journey. Apocyrphal. Defrocked? Desanctified? dropped from the Roman Catholic Calendar of Saints in response to Vatican II “as mandated by the motu proprio, Mysterii Paschalis”.

Santiago. de Compostela. Matamoros. Pilgrimages, Reconquista, Racial purity. So the Spanish version of this saint is not one to identify with. (Big suprise: Conquistador is unlikeable)

The Secret Book of James apparently put a lot of emphasis on suffering as inevitable.

Also, if John is the beloved disciple, than Santiago is the Santo Cuñado.

So last night I had the idea that I should use “Today’s card”to get my writing started. Yesterday’s card was The Mountain.

The mountain casts its shadow over the valley. In the winter, darkness can fall before four pm. The shadow is psychic as well as physical. The mountain is grounding: you always know where you are. The mountain, like the land, is testament to the generations of people who have lived here, their stories forgotten or erased. The mountain is more than a benign figure: it is steeped in the history, the blood, the tears.

In the cartomancy system, the mountain represents obstacles, barriers, blockages, and also pride, hubris, wanting to be the mountain that everyone else looks at. It’s like the quest novels where the entire team looks up at the mountain and knows that they need to cross it to move forward, and that it will be hard and full of hidden difficulties.

Which is funny that I give that example, because there was an rocky outcropping there and I tried to plot out my fantasy novel there; all the different kingdom a significant distance apart. that assembling the quest means going to each of the kingdoms for representatives. I drew them on the red rock using a green marker.

That rocky outcropping was my imaginary world, my escape from the closed up space and emotional confusion of home. Yet it was also the place where I imagined jumping to my death, to get away from everything. To escape this world.

Presenting: Lovely Lalo in PJs

I started this bear with a different subject in mind (see Monroe bear). But once I was all the way to the neck, I could see the chubby little boy in his pj's. He was very much loved by his abuelita y abuelito. He never knew his immigrant father. After his grandparents died, his mother was not adult enough to parent him alone.

As he grew--learning to be confident on those LA streets, holding his head high as men called out to him from their cars as he walked home from school--he found his own way. Escaped to Ivy Leagues and higher degrees.

His mom turned him away for being too much her son--liking the guapos, laughing too loud, waving his arms.

I wish you'd have been my little brother (although the homophobia there was as harsh as LA, maybe more so). I wish we had been there to give that little boy hugs when his mama faltered.

Maybe I’ll make a bear for Becky Salas some day.

Side note: Lalo’s story is like the opposite of Jeff’s. Such different worlds. Such different twists…

Last night the animals drove me crazy, and we narrated this children’s story:

“Hermano,” Flaco says to Nopalito. “Mama and Papa won’t let me go out tonight, and I’ve got to get my prowl on. Can you help me out?”

“Orale,” Nopalito replies. “I can distract Papa like nobody’s business!”

Papa calls Nopalito and SweetPea for their last trip out before bed. Nopalito skips down to the bottom of the stairs. He looks to the left, towards the toileting area, and then towards the right, toward the orchard, where are are interesting things to eat, like figs, or slugs, or who knows what.

“Nopalito,” Papa calls out warningly.

Nopalito looks up the steps at Papa and then races off to the right.

“Nopalito!” Poppa scolds, coming down the steps after him.

“Thanks ‘mano!” Flaco calls, as he races out of the house before Papa can stop him.

“I got your back,” Nopalito replies.

SweetPea scampers up the stairs, unaware of the drama of dog and cat.

And so we all go to bed, without Flaco, since he’s on the prowl, and with much snuggling.

Less than an hour later, Flaco meows at the outside door. Mama grumbles and makes her way into the kitchen, turns on the light, and opens the door for Flaco. Flaco immediately runs into the bathroom and starts to meow some more.

Mama thinks Flaco is crying because the toilet lid is closed. Flaco sometimes likes to drink water out of the toilet and leaves the seat covered with dirty paw prints, as if a whole family of raccoons have been by. Mama starts to fill up Flaco’s water fountain in the study, so he will have plenty of fresh water. Flaco continues to cry “Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow!”

That’s what Mama hears.

What Flaco is actually saying though, is “Mouse! Mouse! Mouse! Mouse! Mouse!”

He happily calls to Nopalito and SweetPea because he has brought them a tasty mouse.

“Hey, ‘manito,” he calls to Nopalito, “I saw you trying to steal my food before, so I thought you were hungry!”

“Eeek!” Mama screams, when she sees the mouse. “No! No! No! No! No!”

“What?” Papa calls from the bedroom.

“He brought something in with him! Ugh! I think it’s a mouse!”

Nopalito comes tearing out of the bedroom happily, with Papa right on his heels. “Oh no” Papa says, “no mouse for you!” Papa grabs Nopalito and carries him back to the bedroom, closing the door behind them.

Flaco tries to show Mama what a marvelous toy a mouse can be, batting it across the floor, scooping it up with one taloned paw and making it fly through the air.”

“Ugh!” says Mama, as she gets out the dustpan. “I’m sorry little mouse.” She scoops up the sad little mouse and tosses it outside in the direction of the orchard. I hope it’s in the orchard, she says to herself. I hope I didn’t throw it all the way into the neighbor’s yard.

Mama and Flaco come to bed and Mama continues to grumble under her breath.

“Parents just don’t understand,” Nopalito whispers to Flaco. A short while later, he gets out of bed and walks to the bedroom door, where he promptly vomits up whatever he ate in the orchard.

“Good night, Flaco.”

“Good night, Nopalito.”

I have a successful foot! Hurray! There were some gaps behind the stitches, where the stuffing would show through, so I just packed some scraps of brown yarn there, in front of the polyfill, and that seemed to cover it. I also tried embroidering a “duplicate stitch” over the color change.

[Later]

Okay, I’ve started over, because I wanted a black shoe. I’m following the Lily doll pattern just for the shoe, so the first 6 rounds:

Ch 5.

1st rnd: 1 sc in 2nd ch from hook. 1 sc in each of next 2 ch. 3 sc in last ch. do not turn. Working in rem loops of foundation ch, 1 sc in each of next 2 ch. 2 sc in last ch. Join with sl st to 1rst sc. 10 sc.

2nd rnd: Ch1. 2scin 1rst sc. 1sc in each of next 2sc. 2sc in each of next 3sc. 1sc in each of next 2sc.2 sc in each of last 2sc. Join with sl st to 1rst sc. 16 sc.

3rd rnd: Ch1.2sc in 1rst sc. 1 sc in each of next 4sc. 2 sc in each of next 4sc. 1 sc in each of next 4 sc. 2 sc in each of next 3 sc. Join with sl st to 1rst sc. 24 sc.

4th rnd: Ch 1. 1 sc in each sc around. Join with sl st to 1rst sc. 24 sc.

5th rnd: Ch 1. 1 sc in each of next 7 sc. (Sc2tog) 3 times. 1 sc in each sc to end of rnd. Join with sl st to 1rst sc. Place marker at end of rnd. 21 sts.

6th rnd: Ch 1. Working in back loops only, 1 sc in each of next 6 sc. (Sc2tog) 3 times. 1 sc in each sc to last 2 sc. Sc2tog. Join with sl st to 1rst sc. 17 sts.

Then two rounds of fur tone (not skin tone), then join blue yarn for jeans.

This is making a leg 16-17 stitches around, which is okay for a bear but prob’ly too big for a doll.

I should’ve done one or more rounds of the Lily pattern to keep decreasing stitches down to 14.

So, this foot would look great hanging next to my other test feet and legs and heads… Do I cut the yarn and chalk this up to a learning experience or will Xiomara’s first incarnation be a bear?

Well, I’ll finish the leg, anyway and then decide whether the second leg will match this one or be a second draft…

We tried watching an episode of TransParent tonight. Forgot how tedious (painfully bad) it really is. Maybe it gets better in the third season?

Went to Colleen Fong’s retirement party today and totally wanted to make an amigurumi doll of Xiomara. She was wearing black vans, light blue skinny jeans with holes in them, Like a pink or purple kind of tunic top, big bangs and her hair up in a sloppy pony tail, and earbuds & phone. She had so much style. She snapped photos of the chihuahuas. Her mom made her interact with people.

I’m going to have to try this several times, I think. Basically I want something like the motherbear pattern but with feet that stick out (rather than just stubs). My first draft of the first foot failed, but I’ll just keep trying…

Today’s farmchores were all chicken-related. Luz fed them and let them out before heading off to their action against white supremacy & fascism in Berkeley.

I cleaned the coop, cleaned out both waterers, gave the chickens fresh water, and brought in all the eggs.

Although I did most of this in the hotter part of the day, it wasn’t the absolute hottest part (in another hour), and of course I feel better for having accomplished the chicken chores.

I woke up from a dream last night of an Esquibel familia event and a Tía saying “Your grandpa’s too old to molest you now: you have to be nice to him.”

Ain’t that a kick in the pants.

I told this to Luz. I am so blessed to have a partner to whom I can tell whatever locura I am haunted by.

My mom has been saying how my dad has been deteriorating—more confused, more manic—but really there’s nothing she can do right now. In addition, the only doctor to take an actual interest in him, Dr. Rauth, the blood doctor, just lost his license (!!) and is being sued and so is no longer being covered by the insurance. My mom has been trying to get my dad a referral to another specialist, but it will take at least 2 weeks before they’ll even schedule an appointment. On the plus side, that means my mom is spending less time running my dad around to appointments and labwork. On the negative side, nobody is seeing my dad on a regular basis.

 

But he is going for a daily walk, and he is going to the senior center and he seems to have at least one friend, so those are all good things. Of course he’s also doing things like losing his keys and “playing in the garage” all day. But at least my mom is getting a tiny bit more downtime, since he’s not there all the time. And, for my dad, it gives him something to talk about, as he can now tell my mom about his walk, about his time with Christine, or at the senior center, or going around with his friend.

I’ve decided I need to buy a couple more brown yarns—light weight, for when I’m working with a lighter weight yarn for the clothing. That way I don’t have to move back and forth between a sportweight yarn and a heavy worsted weight, and try to figure out which hooks to use to get them to come out. It’s a plan.

I still haven’t washed or brushed my teeth, or taken my meds yet, but at least I’ve made some progress since Luz left.

 

 

Oh my goodness! On ravelry, I have just discovered someone who makes amigurumi saint dolls! I foresee a new stage in my dollmaking apprenticeship ahead!! (she’s a Catholic mother, so she’s going more for cute and cuddly than weird and specific, but I know I can make it work!